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My Heart is Breaking

My Kids are Getting Older Fast

It comes out of nowhere these feelings of nostalgia and reflection. Today is my son’s 14th Birthday and as the pictures on my digital frame scroll by I see his beautiful face as a baby, toddler and growing into a young man. I am proud of who my children are becoming, young activists for the underprivileged, environment and animals. Standing up to bully’s and speaking their truth unashamed. Yet, no one told me it would hurt to have them grow up.

Tearing Down the Old for New

Today I went for my walk and passed this beautiful old red home that is next to our development. It is about an acre in property with several old, well maintained out buildings. Larry and Tom lived there for many, many years. I would stop by on my walks and they would give me a tour of their garden or latest thing they added to their yard/garden.

They had one little building they converted into a little barbershop so Tom could continue to cut hair for friends and family after he retired. It is surrounded by trees and wildlife.

They had another old barn like building filled with antiques they collected and Larry would tell me about them. You get to these buildings on a paved walkway that in parts had come out of the ground due to the roots of trees.

There were was a natural pond and a manmade pond with a deck for sitting on and sipping tea. The yard was filled with flowers, tress, bird feeders, squirrel feeders, bird baths, whirly gigs and do dads. I loved it. Somehow it always gave me comfort to walk in those gardens past those old buildings and know that there is a history to our lives.

At one point they bought an old airstream trailer and converted it into a guest house in the back yard. As with everything they did a beautiful job. Their home and gardens screamed the love and care they put into it.

When I struggled with insomnia and anxiety last year I would take middle of the night walks past their house and stop at the statue they had of a saint. I am not sure which saint it was but I would stare at it and say a prayer to God. It gave me comfort. Seeing those gardens and house and outbuildings gave me comfort.

Soon it will all be gone. Larry and Tom reached the age where they could no longer maintain the yard and home. And sadly, no one wants a small house with a beautiful garden anymore so developers bought it. 55 homes will be built.

Homes that are large on 4000 square foot lots. Homes built with no love and care. Homes that are thrown together with pressed wood and cheap finishes and sold for close to a million dollars.

Whatever happened to keeping the past alive? Seeing quality and character and fighting to preserve it? Why do we destroy what is old and replace it with a cheap replica?

Are Old Homes Like People?

I can’t help but think about how this is also how we treat people. Move out the old and make way for the young. I watched a local tech company do this to their long time workers so they could bring in cheaper and younger workers. Sadly, this company is not what it used to be.

When you have lived as long as our elders have we should be mining them for wisdom and guidance, not ignoring them and putting them out of sight.

Once a month I have lunch with 3 friends of mine. We worked together at an oil company in the 1980’s. After one of us left we started having monthly lunches and they continue today. 30 years later. They are family to me. They are all older than me, 93, 72 and 64.

I love our lunches. We talk politics, history and life. I get perspective from three generations ahead of me. I learn so much about history from people who lived it. It is precious to me. My heart will break one day when it ends as it will as each of us leaves this earth.

I think about who I can be a mentor to, who would see me as an elder and could benefit from my experience. My kids of course, but there has to be more people who I can share with about the little red house and Larry and Tom. How homes used to be built with character and love. How life used to be so that they can one day do the same.

So, I am diffusing some Geranium and Ylang Ylang. These two oils are great for the heartbroken. I am waiting for the healing to begin.


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